take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Randomize
