is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
