I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
