Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
