The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
