I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
