Quick, to the slutcave!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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