I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
