What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
