Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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