so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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