Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
