Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize