OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
