You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
