A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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