He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
