I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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