Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
