Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
