ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
