I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
