she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
