420 ftw
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
