I bet he comes in French.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
