Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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