I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
