FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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