***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
