I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
