To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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