I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
