i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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