I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
