Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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