We're like a lot better than the average bears
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
