Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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