you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
