I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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