So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
