I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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