I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
