Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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