If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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