rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
