This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
