Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize