so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
