none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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