I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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