Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
