Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
