Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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