Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
