i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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