Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
