I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
