I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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