dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am naked and annoyed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize