I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
