If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My dick has a subreddit
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
