were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
