He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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