i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
