Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
