Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
