I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize