So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
