Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
