And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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