FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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