we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
