Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
