grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
