Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
