She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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