If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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