So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize