why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
