bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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