Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
