Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize