my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
