i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
