We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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