My first STD was from a foam party
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
