Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
